A heavy heart

Wow.

What a day.  You may or may not have heard news of my dad throughout the day.  Tonight my heart is heavy and tonight I am hopeful, waiting on the Lord for answers.  Here is the story from my point of view.

Today started just as any other day.  I headed to Southdale this morning to teach in a Kindergarten room for the third day in a row.  The school was running on an "assembly day" schedule due to an afternoon assembly.  This meant that I took my kiddos to P.E. in the morning rather than the afternoon. So, after taking my kids to P.E. I briefly checked my phone.  I saw that I had a voicemail from my brother Ben.  Typically I wouldn't check my voicemail but for some reason today I just decided to.  I was thinking maybe he was calling to see if we could watch the kids this weekend sometime.  I actually started to look up the movie schedule at the Grundy theater to see if there was a good kids movie we could take them to.  Then I began to hear his words.  

He began by saying he was calling to give me an update on dad.  I thought to myself, update? what happened?  He went on saying he had checked himself into the hospital this morning with chest pains.  He said that he had talked to dad and he seemed to think it wasn't a big deal.  Ben said that dad would have surgery this afternoon to either do something with his arteries or put a stent in.  He said that my dad did not have a heart attack, so that was good.  If they had to put a stent in he would have to stay overnight at the hospital, otherwise he would be home tonight.  He finished the message by letting me know mom was with my dad.  

After hearing the message I was taken back a little bit.  I didn't really know what to think.  I decided to call my mom quick since the kids were still at P.E.  I talked to her and pretty much got the same story.  He was supposed to have a haircut at 8 but decided he needed to go in.  She reassured me that he'd be fine.  She was strong on the phone and didn't want to scare me- she reassured me it would probably be fine and that she would keep me updated but not to worry.   We ended the conversation and she was going to let me know any updates.  

[When we visited my dad tonight he told us that he decided he'd get his haircut first then go to the hospital.  He had chest pains but wanted to get his haircut first.  God said no to that because his arm started to go numb.  He said okay God I'll go now.  He went to the barber shop and told the gal he was going to the hospital.  He couldn't drive with his left arm because it was numb.  Just so ya know, when my dad got to the hospital he called my mom around 9AM.  When he called her he told her he was only calling her because they made him and that she didn't need to come he'd be fine ;) He knew she had a really busy day ahead of her at school... That is my dad for ya :) She decided she'd go check on him during her study hall and prep but by that time they were planning to transfer him from Sartori to Covenant so she decided she'd better go the whole day.] 

After getting off the phone with my mom at school I found myself with tears streaming down my cheeks, thanking God that my dad was alive and praying for the surgery to come.  I sat there praying for a couple of minutes in despair, praying for the doctors, a successful surgery and for my dad to be able to continue his work here on earth, but  most of all, for His will to be done. 

What came next in the schedule is seen by me only to be a gift from God. With the assembly schedule, a guidance visit was scheduled for the morning right after P.E., which lead into getting ready for lunch and recess.  This gave me extra time to settle myself and not be thrown in front of 24 kindergarteners with a heavy heart and sensitive feelings.  For that, I am thankful.  

I went about the rest of my day, thinking about my dad but trying to focus on the kids.  I checked my phone a couple times, but had no missed calls or messages.  After school I checked my phone and had a couple of messages and a missed call from Mark.  I had a text from him saying, "Let's go see your dad when you get done.  Call me and I will come get you."  I was thankful to see that text but also wondered whether my dad would be staying overnight or what.  

I called Mark and we had a brief conversation but he did not say much about any updates.  He said we should go over after school and he'd be home soon.  I called my mom and she gave me the update.  She said she had told Ben just to call Mark but wait to call me or to let Mark tell me after school so that I wouldn't have to take the news and then go back to teaching.  

The update was as follows:  My dad went in for surgery and they found that they could not put stents in because his arteries were too blocked.  He needed to have open heart surgery.  In these cases 95% of the people are able to and do have stents put in.  The other 5% need open heart surgery.  You get the picture.  So as I'm sitting at the desk at school hearing my mom say these words tears are rolling down my cheeks yet I'm trying to stay strong. She said they will take him to Allen in the morning and he will hopefully have surgery tomorrow.  If the doctor can't tomorrow (Saturday) they will do it on Monday.  She said he won't be able to drive for 4 weeks, won't be able to lift anything for 6 weeks, and would go through cardiac rehab in the weeks following surgery.  The doctors were surprised he did not have a heart attack.  My mom said, "God must not be done with him here yet, because he's still here." We talked a little more and I hung up the phone with tears flowing.  I just had to sit at the desk and pray and cry it out a little, for fear of who I was going to meet on my way out the door.  After I composed myself I worked my way out of the room and headed home.  After I made it to my car I just sat and wept, praying that my dad would be okay, thinking back to 5 years ago when my dad held me in his arms on the couch and I wept...

...It was the day I got home from Caravan and I found out that my dad had prostate cancer.  They thought they'd caught it pretty early and he would have surgery in a few weeks to hopefully end that fight.  On that Caravan we had talked about suffering as a follower of Christ and how bright our lights shine when we show Christ's light when we are suffering.  Suffering as a Christ follower is not a matter of if but when.  My 'when' hit the day I got home and after my family finished lunch I sat on the couch with my dad asking all of the 'what if' questions reminding him that I wanted to walk me down the aisle at my wedding and I wanted my kids to know who he was, only to hear him remind me that he wanted all of those things too, if the Lord would allow it.  He knew that the Lord had a plan and he was the strongest of all of us (pretty close with my mom).  My dad is a strong man, he was 5 years ago and he still is today. We prayed that day for all of those things.  The Lord answered one of those prayers a year and a half ago at my wedding. We will continue to pray for the other main desire of our hearts concerning my dad's health- that our Iehl babies would get to build a relationship with my earthly father and know how great their grandpa is.  

I made it home from school (good thing it was only a 2 minute drive) and waited for Mark.  We sat and talked and I tried to get all my tears out before heading to the hospital to see my dad.  When I saw the door I had to fight back tears and made Mark go first.  We got inside and thankfully I only had blurry eyes and a few drops of water coming out for a few minutes.  

We spent a few hours at the hospital.  It was so great to be with my parents.  I am less emotional when I am with them because I see both of them and how strong they are- ready for what is to come.  I don't know how they are so strong.  

While we were there the doctor came in and gave the update on my dad's arteries.  It is so evident that God is control. My dad's arteries were 98%, 95%, 95%, 100% and 80% blocked- it is a miracle he is with us and I am so thankful.  Last week, for the first time,  I truly got a full understanding of why my dad's work (like career work) is so important.  I always knew he helped so many people with their money, showing Biblical truths and encouraging them in their faith.  However, I never knew how he helped.  We met with him last week and I finally figured out how he does that.  His work is important and he definitely uses his work to not only help people use their money strategically but also to point others to Christ.  It is a miracle that he is still alive and after discovering the truths he taught us, I pray that many more can learn from him in the years to come.  

So now we wait until the morning to find out if he can have surgery tomorrow. (Praying hard that he can).  It will most likely be a triple bypass surgery.  My dad is doing great.  He is as witty as he usually is, if not more because he just sat in a bed all day!  He makes us all laugh.  And as for my mom, I don't know how she does it.  Please be praying for her too- she is amazing.  

The things that have been weighing on my heart the most are these two thoughts:

• We really do have no idea when the Lord will take us.  When the night shift nurse came in, after looking at his vitals, she said, "Wow, just by looking at these I wouldn't see a reason you should be in the hospital right now."  This whole thing happened pretty fast.  I was reminded I need to use the time I have here on earth to the work that God prepared for me to do in order to advance His Kingdom.   I was reminded of this 5 years ago when I learned of my dad's diagnosis and here we are again.  In the days between I have thought of it many times.  But it's hitting hard right now.  Each and everyday I need to work to advance His Kingdom, no matter where it is I'm working.  
• I know that God is sovereign.  Although I have been very scared today and begging for more years on earth with my dad, I know that whatever the outcome- it is in His hands.   I have peace in my heart and I know that it will be okay.  It might not be how I would want it, but it will be okay.  He gives and takes away, He gives and takes away,  and so my heart will choose to say, Lord Blessed Be Your name.  

Dad, I love you so much!!! We are praying for a successful surgery and many more healthy, beautiful days down the road :)  

Thank you everyone for the prayers.  It means a lot.